i had a similar issue with mine, but i just rewired it so the normal headlights stay on low beam all the time and i just use my spotties for high beam. it was a bit of screwing around, but the hids were pretty useless on high beam anyway...
basically i just chopped the relay wiring up to get the plugs that go into the ballasts off, joined the normal power wire that goes from the low beam to the ballast with another wire. i then put a 14v (i think) zener diode in it and connected that to the high beam wire in the headlight plug (so the spotties don't come on when the headlights are on). i did this on both sides of the car, so basically the headlights stay on low beam all the time, but the spotties come one when you switch high beam on. if you don't connect the other wire up, when you switch to high beam the headlights will switch off.
i hope that makes some sense, i find those hid relays a pita as they are set up with a controller in them to shift the globe solenoid when you go from low to high beam, so when it dies you have to stick a new one in. i didn't fancy paying $40 or whatever they wanted for the wiring loom...