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An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.' His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.' A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says,'Touchdown, tie score...' After about five...

Someone was asking question what temp zd30 run at 110'kms.I just had run down to Goulburn,so here is the info Water temp. 80c Oil pressure. 40 psi Boost 10 psi EGT 420c RPM. 3000 My egt probe is before the turbo

Toilet Cleaning Instructions: 1. Put both lid and seat of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need...

A very inebriated gentleman stumbles into Church, and takes a seat in the Confessional. After waiting a few moments the Priest 'clears his throat' After few more moments the Priest gives a louder 'Ahem'. After a minute or two the Priest knocks on the wall,...... "are you there my son" "Yeah...

One all the hunters will understand

Two good ol' boys in a Alabama trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant. After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off...

Clive Palmer was visiting a Sydney primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr Palmer if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'. So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a...

A priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives, when he realises that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English. So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says...

Two young blokes appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in...

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the...

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be...

1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes." 2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide." 3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?" 4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?" 5. The Interior Designer - who assures her...

Cinderella wanted to go to the ball one night, but she didn't have any tampons to use and she was on the rags. Her Fairy Godmother came to the rescue and turned a pumpkin next to Cinderella's house into a tampon. The Godmother says, "Now use the tampon, but be sure to get back home before...

An elderly couple are in church and the wife leans over one way then the other towards her husband and whispers in his ear...."I've just released a long silent fart. What do you think I should do?" He replied in a disturbed voice...."First things first, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!!!".

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About 2 hours.” The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The...

Who the hell is Eric Well apparently Eric is the geezer who got home late one night Marilyn his wife was waiting for him, with the age old where the hell have you been? Eric replies I was getting a tattoo ! a tattoo? what kind of tattoo did you get? I got a $100 note tattooed on my willy he...

BILL SHORTEN'S LAWYER The lawyer says to his client, Bill Shorten, “I have some good news and some bad news.” Bill replies: “I’ve had a bloody awful week, so let's hear the good news first.” The lawyer says: “Your wife Chloe invested $20,000 in five pictures which are worth a minimum of $2...

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just...

An elderly gentleman.... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your...

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his...